This Tuesday (Aug 11) will be our 150^th day in quarantine onboard the Africa Mercy. During this time, life has gone from the craziness of hastily wrapping up a field service and caring for our remaining patients in the best way possible, to departing Senegal for a safer harbor in the Canary islands, to sending home half of our 240 remaining “crew” aka friends and family. For the past two months the departures have slowed to a halt and our crew size has hovered at approximately 120 crew members (Approximately ¼ our crew level during a field service).

While I have sat here onboard this 150 meter long floating bubble of health and community it has been impossible to avoid the stillness onboard. Our remaining crew are spread throughout the ship with most cabins having 2 or less people, allowing us far more privacy than ever before. There is also less to do, resulting in people commonly retreating to their rooms.

As someone who neither identifies as an extrovert or introvert I have, at different times, found this stillness to be both refreshing solitude and maddening silence. On the whole I would say I have enjoyed this time as it has given me lots of time to reflect.

On top of the predominant stillness onboard there are still days/weeks of tremendous busyness as we work to keep the ship running and complete maintenance projects. This is done in conjunction with attempting to tackle the task of getting more people home and simultaneously re-staffing the ship through ever changing travel restrictions worldwide.  As a result, practically every person on board has volunteered to take on additional responsibilities, change roles, or to fill gaps in another department to keep things running.

This oscillation between extremes of near complete stillness and busyness has been performed while we carry all the waiting and uncertainties from the Covid situation. When will I go home? When will we return to serving Africa? When will I see my friends/family again? When will I eat a guacamole bacon cheeseburger again? When will I have bottomless steak fries? (Oh how I miss you, Red Robin)

When I look around this ship I see we are all seeming to “cope” with these fluctuations in a few different ways and with varying levels of success.

While I realize I am living in a quarantined ship community I am sure this season of waiting in uncertainty through both fluctuations of stillness and chaos is not unfamiliar. I think regardless of the communities we are in, everyone in the world is facing this struggle to varying degrees at different times.

It may be because I have been living on a ship for more than a year but this Covid season of life has felt a lot like we have set sail for uncertain shores and along the way we are going through both intense squalls and getting stuck in the doldrums.

As I have contemplated how to navigate these Covid waters, I kept coming back to the Sunday school story of Jesus calming the sea. In analyzing this story I have found some wisdom and perspective that has been very helpful for me.

²² One day he got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, ²³ and as they sailed he fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. ²⁴ And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. ²⁵ He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?” Luke 8:22-25 [ESV]

When encountering this scripture I have always struggled a bit when I have attempted to grasp all of the applications. Obviously this is a moment to learn the power Jesus has and the lack of the faith of the disciples. However, as I am task oriented person when I have read this text I have struggled when trying to decide how the disciples should have acted.

What would the proper response be when in the midst of the storm?

Should the disciples have batten down the hatches and worked to empty the boat of water?

Or should they have had supreme “faith” and simply lay down to nap next to Jesus?

Through my contemplation I have landed on the conclusion that ultimately I think both of these approaches miss the application of the text and the application to our own sail through Covid waters.

The question is not “What should we do when the storm comes?”. The appropriate questions are…

“Who has set your course?” and “Who is in your boat?”

Or simply, “Where does your hope come from?” or more simply still, as Jesus states here, “Where is your faith?”

If the answers to these questions do not agree you may have a problem.

I like to think I have been handling this season like a champ.  After all, there are very few things within my control and fretting about global issues or my future will not change a thing. But honestly there are times when my positive attitude, pragmatic approach, and mental gymnastics are not enough. In these moments, stillness and quiet are synonymous with darkness as swirling thoughts of the world can be too much. It is so natural to let my own problems and the problems of the world continue to linger in my mind.

One of my natural responses in times of trouble is to “rest” but it is funny that “rest” often times looks a lot like distraction.  (Let’s just say I have binged my fair share of Netflix and am familiar with the youtube wormhole). We all know this attempt at distraction is a temporary fix and often the nagging problems and thoughts are only worse once the distraction ends.

In the times of nagging stress & stillness I have found the answer is to look away myself, my situation, my desires/dreams, and even my silver linings. Instead, I choose to fix my eyes to where my hope comes from, and that is Jesus. It is my actions made out of this hope that bring life.

The application here is actions flow from what your heart and mind are focused on. We need to be conscious of this and actively work to maintain our focus on the right things. Actions coming purely in response to fear, insecurity, and anger reveal where our hearts & minds reside and these actions rarely lead to lifegiving outcomes. 

I can’t promise I won’t continue to enjoy the occasional distraction but I can tell you this last year has been transformational for me.  I know a peace now that I have never known and I am truly thankful for the struggles I had to face this last year which forced me to grow. Remember, we cripple ourselves by avoiding our problems.  It is only through struggle that we can grow.

³ Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, ⁴ and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, ⁵ and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:35 [ESV]

We do not know where this season will go next and it may not be what we wanted or expected. That does not mean there is not something to be gained here. The world is different but that doesn’t mean all the differences are for the worse.  Continue to find the opportunities to live, serve, and grow.

I have found the solitude to be refining if you let it. I invite you to find the time to lean into the silence and take inventory of yourself.

I leave you with this…

How are you coping with seas of life?

How do you respond when you get stressed? When your world gets still?

Who is directing your boat? Who is in your boat?

Where do you find hope? Where is your faith?

Thank you for your continued support and prayer. God bless you all!